Festivus Summer Spectacular: Because Nothing Says Family Bonding Like Seinfeld References and Kayak Races
- Dave Abbey
- May 21, 2024
- 3 min read
Ah, the joys of being an empty nester. The kids are off adulting in various far-flung corners of the world, the house is quieter than a library on a Monday morning, and you find yourself reminiscing about the good ol’ days when getting everyone together didn’t require an international peace treaty. But fear not, dear reader, for we have concocted a master plan to reunite the scattered tribe. Behold: Festivus, the summer edition!
The Inspiration: Seinfeld, of Course
Remember the 90's sitcom "Seinfeld" and George Costanza's family's unconventional holiday celebration of Festivus? Well, we’ve decided to borrow a page from George’s book (minus the aluminum pole – we’re not *that* crazy). Our version of Festivus is a week-long extravaganza set to take place at the Lecours cottage near Timmins. Yes, it’s remote, but that just adds to the charm. Or so we keep telling ourselves.
The Grand Plan: Avoiding Peak Holidays
One of the beauties of Festivus is its flexibility. No more fighting crowds at the airport during Christmas or scrambling for reservations at overpriced restaurants on Thanksgiving. Festivus can be whenever and wherever we want. This year, it’s slated for July. Why July, you ask? Because we like to live dangerously and take our vacations when the mosquitoes are in full force.
Traditions with a Twist
In true Costanza spirit, we’re adding a dash of chaos to our Festivus traditions. Each attendee is responsible for creating an event or tradition for our week-long shindig. This year’s lineup is already shaping up to be a doozy:
- Steal A Gift Event: Think of it as a white elephant gift exchange, but with more opportunities to showcase your pettiness.
- Slingshot Bowling: Because regular bowling is too mainstream. Also, who doesn’t love the idea of launching projectiles at innocent pins?
- Pie Iron Lunch: It’s like cooking, but with fire and cast iron. Perfect for those who enjoy a side of danger with their meals.
- Kayak Races: Guaranteed to reveal who among us has been secretly training for the Olympics and who will end up in the water.
- Morning Walks: A gentle nod to health and wellness, or at least an excuse to justify the pie iron lunches.
- Dock Festivus Family Photo: The obligatory photo op. If a family reunion happens in the woods and no one takes a picture, did it really happen?
The Culinary Challenge
In an effort to avoid the typical holiday food drama, everyone will be responsible for cooking a meal on one of the six nights. This means we’re expecting culinary masterpieces ranging from burnt toast to overcooked pasta. But hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?
A Week to Remember
With 12 of us now committed to this grand adventure, it’s safe to say that Festivus 2024 will be one for the books. The planning is going swimmingly (pun intended), and we’re eagerly awaiting the chaos, camaraderie, and inevitable complaints about who stole whose gift.
So here’s to a summer of Festivus fun, where the air is filled with laughter, the lake is filled with kayaks, and the kitchen is filled with questionable culinary creations. Stay tuned for the post-event recap – we promise it will be as entertaining as the event itself.
Happy Festivus to all, and to all a good night (except the mosquitoes, they can buzz off).
Dave
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